I've been hunting Kuva Liches since they first crawled out of the Queens' weird juice bar, and let me tell you, nothing makes you question your life choices like spending three hours chasing a grumpy Grineer just for a weapon that's about as useful as a chocolate teapot in a Sentient invasion. With the Coda weapons now strutting their infested stuff from the 1999 update, I decided it was time to look back at the OGs, the Kuva arsenal, and rank them based on my own, often painful, experiences. Remember, each of these is technically an upgrade, but some feel less like an evolution and more like the weapon ate a bad burrito and called it a day.

Let's kick things off with the heavy metal section, the Kuva Grattler and Kuva Ayanga. Placing these at the bottom feels a bit unfair, like criticizing a submarine for its poor performance in a desert race. They are fantastic Archguns, absolute beasts in the rare moments you're piloting an Archwing or stomping around in a Necramech. The Grattler, with its explosive rounds and status chance, is my go-to for turning the Orb Vallis into a personal fireworks display. But their ranking suffers because they live in a gilded cage; you can't just whip them out during a normal mission like you're some sort of heavy artillery connoisseur. They are specialized tools, and in the grand meta of 2025, that specialization leaves them feeling as niche as a gourmet chef at a fast-food joint.

Now, let's talk about the Kuva Seer. If a weapon's primary function is to be a punchline, the Kuva Seer is the king of comedy. This pistol fires slow-moving projectiles that go plop and deal a bit of corrosive damage in a tiny area. Getting this from a Lich is the gaming equivalent of opening a fancy present only to find a single, slightly used sock. Its high status chance is a cruel joke, as it's utterly useless as an elemental primer. I keep one around purely for Mastery Rank and for loadouts I name "The Disappointment Special." Farming for this feels less like a hunt and more like a elaborate prank the game is playing on you.

Swinging into melee, we have the Kuva Shildeg. This hammer looks like it was forged in the depths of a Grineer heavy metal concert, with rocket-propelled swings that drive massive spikes into enemies. Its slam attack is satisfyingly chunky. However, its attack speed is slower than a snail wading through molasses. In 2025, with faster, flashier options like the Coda Motovore available, the Shildeg often gets left in the armory. It's powerful, but using it makes me feel like I'm fighting in a slow-motion replay.

Next up is the gloriously chaotic Kuva Drakgoon. This shotgun doesn't just fire pellets; it vomits a cloud of superheated shrapnel that ricochets once. It's like trying to fight with an angry bee hive that also happens to be a shotgun. The sound design alone is worth the pickup—it's the acoustic embodiment of shredding metal. The drawbacks are real: charge shots, projectile travel time, and a magazine smaller than a Grineer's attention span. Yet, for pure, unadulterated fun, few weapons match the joy of watching shrapnel hunt down enemies around corners.

Don't let its size fool you; the Kuva Kraken is a pocket-sized powerhouse. It fires a tight three-round burst, and its alt-fire is a thing of beauty (or panic): it dumps the entire remaining magazine in one massive shot. The damage scales with ammo left, so a full mag alt-fire hits like a freight train made of disappointment for whatever is in front of you. The issue? It requires more investment than a long-term relationship to truly shine. It's not meta, but with a good progenitor bonus, it can surprise you more effectively than a surprise birthday party you forgot you planned.

The Kuva Quartakk is the quirky cousin of the rifle family. Its firing mode changes based on whether you're aiming: from the hip it's auto, but aim down sights and it fires a perfectly simultaneous four-round burst. It's accurate and feels incredibly solid. Sadly, its total damage output in 2025 is about as impressive as a lukewarm cup of tea. Without an Incarnon evolution like some other rifles got, it gets outclassed. It's a beautifully designed weapon that hits about as hard as a strongly worded letter.

Now for a status monster: the Kuva Brakk. This shotgun secondary has the highest status chance in its class, and with 10 innate pellets, it applies status effects like a gossip spreads rumors—instantly and everywhere. The catch? Its damage falloff is so severe you practically need to shove the barrel into an enemy's mouth to do full damage. Using it effectively requires learning an intimate dance of positioning. It's amazing in close quarters but feels as useless as a screen door on a submarine the moment an enemy takes two steps back.

If you love bullet hoses, meet the Kuva Twin Stubbas. These dual pistols fire so fast they sound like angry hornets on a sugar rush. They excel at turning enemies into Swiss cheese at close range. The trade-off? Their reload time is longer than a Grineer arbitration speech. The combat loop is pure adrenaline for about 3 seconds, followed by 5 seconds of me awkwardly dodging while my Tenno performs a meticulous, slow-motion reload animation. It's a rollercoaster of emotion.

The Kuva Hek is a shotgun with personality. It has four barrels and a devastating alt-fire that unleashes all of them at once. This single shot can delete most high-value targets if you're close enough. The problem, again, is damage falloff and ammo economy. The alt-fire eats ammo like a starved Kubrow. But when it connects? It's more satisfying than finally solving a tricky Riven mod. Positioning is key; get it right, and you feel like a god. Get it wrong, and you're just a Tenno with an expensive, empty peashooter.

Finally, we have the reliable workhorse, the Kuva Karak. It's a direct, solid upgrade to the standard Karak, boasting great status chance and fire rate. It's the dependable sedan of assault rifles—it'll get you through most daily content comfortably. However, by 2025 standards, it lacks the special sauce or gimmick that pushes weapons into the true endgame meta. It's a great weapon, but in a world of Incarnons and Coda variants, it's about as remarkable as a perfectly average potato. It gets the job done without ever making you feel particularly excited about it.

So there you have it, my fellow Tenno! The Kuva arsenal is a mixed bag of glorious power and hilarious misfires. Hunting these weapons is a core Warframe experience, filled with equal parts triumph and face-palming frustration. Just remember, even the "worst" Kuva weapon is still a trophy from defeating a cosmic-level nuisance. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a Coda Lich to annoy.

Quick Reference Table: Kuva Weapon Quirks

Happy hunting, and may your Liches always have the weapon you actually want!